As a teenager, sex was tempting – forbidden – enticing… The hormones start going wild in a teenager’s body causing them to make reckless choices. Throwing caution to the wind, we push the limits often crossing them. It’s usually a crazy times in our lives when we’re discovering certain erotic feelings and emotions all for the first time. It’s a rush. It’s crazy and breath-taking. Some of us resist while others let go of all caution and dive in body and soul.
Sex changes as we get older, wiser and often as part of a couple. While still exciting and fun, it also changes in a way. It becomes more stable and expected. It’s not “forbidden” anymore which added a huge element of excitement. In this stage, sometimes couples have to work at creating the excitement that they once had.
As a parent of a teenager…
All of a sudden SEX becomes a dreaded thing. Something to cringe from. A topic that most of us, as parents, want desperately to avoid.
Everywhere I turn I’m seeing teens the same age as my daughter having sex, talking about sex, switching sex partners casually, and getting pregnant.
I’m on the other side of the coin now. The side that my parents were on when I first discovered the awesome headiness of an intimate encounter with the opposite gender. I look at my teenager and I still see my baby, my little girl. Surely she can’t reach that same point that I remember way back when, but she is. Now SEX takes on a new meaning for me. I’m dealing with it though. Short of locking her up in a room and taking away all means of communication with the outside world, I just have to trust that I’ve taught her enough that she’ll make good choices.
Telling a teenager “NO,” really isn’t an option, it’ll only make them determined to prove you wrong. All I can do is try and keep the lines of communication open between us. Make sure that she always feels safe and comfortable coming to me about anything. So far it seems to have worked, she’s confided in me about things that have made both of us uncomfortable, some of it involving her friends and others involving herself, but we have been able to discuss the situation. It usually ends up with me shaking my head in disbelief or some awkward admission of fact. I’m a huge believer in being honest with answers when your teenager asks. My philosophy is that if they ask, they deserve the truth. If the truth is something that you regret then show that to them. Everyone makes mistakes and parents are no different.
We were having an uncomfortable (for me) question and answer session the other day. It started off with me finding out some things about her and her friends and segued into her asking me about my teen years. She was asking me questions about when I first had sex, when I first experimented with pot, smoking, drinking, etc… When she asked me about smoking, I hesitated but then I told her the truth. Thirteen.
“Wow, that’s really young.”
“Yea, I know. We didn’t have access to all the information that you guys have today.” I was trying hard to let her know that smoking really wasn’t a great idea. I’m not a smoker. I’ve smoked cigarettes at certain times in my life but they were brief and something always made me quit. To which I’m grateful for today.
“When did you first get drunk?”
Ugh. This isn’t getting any easier. “Um, probably about 15.”
“Hmm. I’m not going to drink.”
Wonderful, she’s showing her own mind here. We’ve had a lot of discussions regarding drinking, smoking and drugs. I’m really happy to hear her come to that kind of conclusion.
“When did you first have sex?”
Rolling my eyes to the heavens and heaving a huge sigh. Do I tell the truth or lie? Truth. “Sixteen.”
“Your dad, who else?”
She looked at me solemnly, “Thank you for telling me the truth, mom.”
The bad thing about these admissions was having to say I had my first with a lot of these things at a younger age than she is now. In my mind, she’s still a baby. In my teenage mind when I was 13, 15, 16… I was ready. I was old enough.
How screwed up is that??